Black OR White

The walking clouds

And the flying black birds

which I saw this morning

Remind me to move on

No, baby, it’s not the right time

to complicate the life nor to mess it up

Except on zebra’s extravagant skin,

Black and white can’t live together

And I don’t wanna be a monster

Or just someone who I am not in the mirror

Black is extremely elegant,

White tremendously magnificent

But mixing both,

watching them blending into grey,

are just a beauty suicide

Even an MJ couldn’t have both

Thus he needed to choose, ‘Black OR White’

si angka lima

dua hari yang lalu…

aku pusing mikirin bayar kos… duit di tabungan ga cukup… apa harus tuker bill euro yg ada di dompet? cuma 2 lembar… apa boleh buat :)

sehari yang lalu…

jam makan siang aku jalan ke bank… akirnya ikhlasin nukerin 50 euro, setor ke tabungan… tarik uang lagi dari atm, supaya bisa bayar uang kos :)

malamnya… aku serahkan uang kos ke tante kos… tapi tiba-tiba… ‘eh eh eh’, kata tante kos… ‘ini segini aja (seraya mengembalikan selembar HK$ 500), kan udah winter, jadi listriknya ga banyak’…. WOW!!! luar biasa baiknya om dan tante kos-ku… itung2, 50 euro-ku balik lg ke dompet :)

hari ini…

baidut ngabarin ttg rencana kita membantu teman… dan kita akan saweran IDR 500,000… kurang lebih sama dengan 50 euro! jadi pas bgt, emang si 50 euro udah diteken ama Yang Di Atas untuk disalurkan ke yang membutuhkan… skali lagi, RUARRR BIASAAA!!!! :)

50 euro = HK$ 500 = IDR 500,000…. yang pasti ini milikmu, bukan milikku… terima kasih untuk kesempatan merasakan kebaikan dan ajaibnya cara Tuhan bekerja :)

no baby, no cry...

she cried... and cried... and cried...

exhausted or failed to adjust to the school environment,

i could not tell

she'd cried for hours

that she had no more tears left

some teachers tried to calm her down

held her in their laps

hugged her tight

sweet words came out of their mouths

anything they could do to make her stop crying

i'd finished my classes

and was kinda tired too

i could barely handle another crying sounds

but what can i say, i just can't ignore the painful voice

so i tried to hold this little soul

sang her a lullaby, but still she didn't stop

then i carried her to my desk

played a random video from youtube

a young girl on the piano, a surprise symphony from haydn was on

and slowly my girl stopped sobbing

as her eyes were focusing on the video

i kept running the clip for a few minutes

and later...

there she was - peacefully asleep

what a privilege i've got as a teacher

as i could witness this tiny human being rested in deep serenity

here, just here, tightly against me...

and whom i should thank to?

music, who else :)

seputar bus 95c

(sambil mendengarkan 'lukisan pagi' oleh tohpati dan shakila)

pagi ini...

anak kecil itu naik bus lagi

masih dengan wajah lugunya

masih dengan gandengan tangan ibunya

kali ini mereka berdiri bersandar pada tiang

erat sang bunda memastikan kenyamanan ananda

masih teringat kemarin mereka bercanda

ibu mengelitiki si anak

si anak tertawa kegirangan

lalu akhirnya lelah dan bersandar pada lengan ibunya

sore ini...

sepasang kekasih berjalan berdampingan

usianya tak muda lagi, terurai dari rambut yg memutih

sang istri menyimpan sisa-sisa kecantikannya

sang suami dengan celana pendek dan kaus hampir tak berlengan,

pun topi pet menyiratkan hasrat muda yang belum pudar

tak bergandengan, namun berbincang ringan

tanpa beban, walau jalan mulai menanjak

kantong belanjaan di tangan,

turun dari bus dengan melenggang

langkahnya pasti, penuh harapan

oh betapa indah kehidupan... hanya 20 menit menumpang bus nomor 95c, namun sungguh kaya pemandangan yang dapat kurasa... tawa merdu yang kudengar... segala buat ku menghela napas panjang dan kembali bersyukur pada Yang Kuasa... terima kasih untuk tumpangan bus hari ini :)

inginku, pertiwi

tujuh belas agustus dua ribu sepuluh

bukan bermaksud aku berkeluh,

namun hati ini malu penuh

bukannya mengunjungi sang saka

malah kupasang rok batik belaka

sajikan masakan ibunda tanda bersuka

apa yang telah kubuat untukmu, pertiwi?

tiada pun sekecil biji sesawi

kali ini kan kugunakan waktu hingga bawa arti

hingga suatu hari saat kukembali

kiranya ada buah yang bisa kau nikmati

selamat hari jadi, indonesia

merdekalah pikiran manusiamu

merdekalah jiwa yang masih merana

merdekalah hati terharu-biru

berkibarlah senantiasa di segala pulau

dan kian harumlah namamu selalu

monthlyversary (a note to fibrina bian rhapsodia)

a month has passed

and i still have no idea what to write, bai :)

partly because my soul (might be) struggling inside

or i am just turning into some ignorant head

the very first day i arrived,

i promised myself that i wouldn’t follow these people’s manic pace

i decided to maintain my laid-back life,

never ever let myself contaminated by this craziness

then i got lost hundred times

feeling exhausted every time i arrived home

dizziness crept over my head whenever i found the crowds

and i felt eerie watching how people were changed

well, i don’t know how they looked like before,

but for sure they now look unnatural -

the makeover seems to be their biggest failure

the city brings an impression that everything is easy to get

everyone wears the brands, just as casually as

they don’t mind if the rain pours and wets their branded stuffs :)

but inside, i am wondering if they are ‘wealthy’ enough to feel things,

to appreciate what the nature has provided,

to sense that a cry is sometimes needed to heal the soul

so this very second i thank you, my pure-hearted sister

for reminding me to post something here

you won’t believe that i just realized

how writing could help me to survive -

just when this last sentence was typed :)

hong kong, end of july 2010

some 'westerners' i recently met

guy no.1:

he was born in australia, raised in an indonesian family

a second year commerce student, but constantly reading and learning about philosophy

quiet, observant, and inside was all but his own way of thinking

actively participating at church, but has his own perspective of 'belief'

guy no.2:

he is completely aware that he's under the condition called 'slavery'

but he knows what he wants in the future

he's determined that he'll be leaving the country in certain period of time

and he is confident of what he is going to do next

believing in nature, despite the pollution he's surrounded by

prefers to live in a remote island, gets acquainted with the forest and beach and frogs and mosquitos

there are many things i learnt from both.

1. how to classify things in your life: money, passion, interest, love, everything - it's all perfectly well organized. every sacrificed thing worth it.

2. keep your life simply natural. be simple. be humble. machinery won't keep you alive. nature will.

3. ... will figure out how to express them by words :)

sunday morning, smile is rolling

meet pak sugeng :)

this picture was taken a few months ago by a friend of mine’s blackberry. we were having breakfast at one of our fave spots - bubur tanjung, menteng. pak sugeng played a javanese sitar while humbly singing a love song (at least that’s what i can capture from some familiar javanese words). back then, i was so eager to take his pic, but too shy to approach him personally.

today, after a month of absence, i had my fave chicken porridge back. and this time i got a sweet chance to meet pak sugeng again. as he drew himself closer, i smiled and nodded my head. and there, he started his playing on the pentatonic melody. wish to digest the song and enjoy it more profoundly, i decreased my eating tempo.

after finishing a gentle song, i thanked him as handing a few pieces of paper to him. then we began to converse. asking him some questions about his sitar, he offered me to buy it. he is about to go home, paying for his kid’s examination fee, thus buying his sitar would be helpful. i was really tempted, but again i didn’t bring enough money (although he said i could pay a down payment and complete it when he’s back in jakarta) and i don’t want to take advantage of his kind offer (at first he didn’t set the price, he let me pay voluntarily as much as i could afford, but i insisted him to let me know the basic price because i had no idea how much it costs). finally he gave me his business card so i could contact him anytime needed.

sunday morning, smile is rolling. the sky seems even bluer than any other days. maybe it’s only an effect of a very special encounter with a simple guy, which i believe has a genuine heart. or maybe jakarta’s sky is really brighter today.

today i was so me!

these are what i wore today:

my mom's old cotton shirt which i just found yesterday when she was cleaning up her closet. 'totally washed out', mom complaint. yet i kept tucking it off the pile. we don't share the definition of 'comfort' - dealt with it.

an old pair of stretch baggy pants which never failed to accompany me on kathak dance class. it was a souvenir i bought for myself on a training in bangkok a few years ago. patpong market and its vibrant night life... oh and i clearly remember the price of these pants - 100 bath only! :)

a black belt which is originally attached to a raincoat i barely wore (well, i wore it once and my colleague said it's only suitable for places like new york. but hey no, i never regret buying it. i fell in love with it, and i am still now whenever i try to put it on and walk in it...... at home.)

recently-bought red suede shoes which happened to be my fave stuff. earlier, they hurt my feet. thanks to band-aids we have mended our relationship.

a wooden bracelet with colorful batik prints on it. i got it on last vacation in jogja. enjoying the colors and patterns, i feel like coming back to my root.

i love can feel everything i wore today. and this feeling is unbeatable, even when a friend noticed that it was not quite appropriate to dress this way at (our) school. it's way too comfortable that i am not afraid of anything else. come to think of it, i believe i've just understood what confidence means.

blanket

oh blanket, please come to me
i wanna hug you and talk through my tears
here i have been lost in the sea of desire
when everything in this world is beyond my understanding
and all i can do is holding you tight until the time is right
surrounded by your warmth, let me catch my breath,


i'll try to surrender

word

words can help us to be strong
yes, dear... you must know it
but it's 2.14am and i'm just out of words
and even after i have tried to heat up my head,
my brain is still frozen. shut down.

so tomorrow when you're awake in the morning,
and you can relax coz you don't have to work early,
maybe you can try to find that word

because we both know that it IS there
it still EXISTS
it's only lost somewhere,
or missing between the pile of routines

don't you ever start to worry,
please oh my dear you will never be sorry
we are the fighters,
and this is only a part of our journey
'trial and error', as you said
it's nothing but the core of learning

so good night, allow me to say
as tomorrow we have to find the way
searching back our heart
and continue the unfinished art

blackberry

everybody in the city seems to have a blackberry,
but not joining them I don’t feel sorry

young and old, all captivated by facebook
well I have one, but not that on the hook

walking down the mall the girls with the giggles
but I wanna sit here on your nose, crunching pringles
staring up, let me explore your dazzling eyes
and looking down, I will relish your charming smile

and if the world were all electronic appliances
can I just be with you enjoying the dances?

anything rhymes

restless
and helpless

yuck
they suck

this obsession
conceals my confession

then it's not music
'coz it makes me sick

yoga

inhale,
hold it for a moment,
and exhale

sweat all over your body
at the same time you start to feel the pain
but when you do it rightly,
you're gonna perceive this sensation
of relaxation and tranquility and fitness
well-articulated in a term: 'muscular orgasm'

you experienced something in your life,
let it stay for a while, either joy or sorrow,
and let go
(remember, let go!)

legawa seperti mega

di suatu hari di sekolah dasar,
diadakanlah latihan evakuasi
sirine dibunyikan tiba-tiba,
dan anak-anak beserta gurunya berbondong-bondong
dari lantai 2 dan 3, turun melalui tangga

lalu mereka berkumpul di lapangan
berpanas-panasan di bawah terik matahari
setelah itu aku pun naik lagi ke ruanganku

di lantai 2 itu, kulihat mbak mega - OB (atau OG) sekolah
sedang asyik mengepel lantai

segera kutegur,
kupertanyakan mengapa ia tak ikut turun
dengan sumringah ia menjawab,
'jodo, rejeki, nyawa ada di tangan Tuhan!'

dan aku pun tertawa spontan,
lega mendengar pesan sponsor di siang bolong
dari sosok luar biasa, si mbak mega :)

tatooed title

people may think i know what i wanna do
or have found what i've searched for
but how is that possible,
when i don't even have the guts to start
because all i know is rocky roads await my steps
and i am standing all alone without troops ready to shoot

but maybe dreams need to be carved
at the very beginning
or tatooed on arm, proclaimed by oneself
and when the desired title is repeatedly said over and over,
the magic spell will reveal its charm
then i will face up, get off my ass,
and there - i embarked on my real journey!
no matter how thorny, or how long it will take,
the spirit is burnt, and the title is no longer a compound of words
it's real. it's me.

daftar kebaikan di hari ini

berangkat agak telat, tapi ternyata tiba sebelum waktunya
terpikir bahwa akan terbebani dengan tugas hari ini,
namun ternyata bebas karena ada acara istimewa

anak kecil jatuh, lengannya tergores, dicucinya,
lalu terasa perih dan menangislah ia tersedu-sedu...
dan luluhlah hatiku ingin langsung memeluknya

teman merayakan hari ulang tahun pernikahan
dan suaminya mengirim kue
dan terlihatlah haru di matanya
dan ikut gembiralah hatiku

lalu anak-anak kecil menyanyikan 'happy anni-versary!'
(dalam nada 'happy birthday to you') sebagai kejutan manis

menyaksikan kebanggaan orang tua
yang melihat prestasi anak-anaknya
membuat lava hijau dalam percobaan

pulang dengan terkantuk-kantuk
namun masih bisa beristirahat di dalam mobil
dengan pendingin udara,
tanpa lelah menginjak kopling karena macet!

duduk kepanasan di pinggir jalan,
namun di depan mata tiba-tiba lewat seorang ayah
dengan kaki di-gips yang dibalut kantong plastik,
mengendarai motor demi mengantarkan anaknya les musik

... daftar belum selesai... karena besok akan kulanjutkan lagi! :)

*terinspirasi oleh mbabinal dan masuwil, on their sweet 4th wedding anniversary... cihuy!!! hihihi

pouring rain

the pouring rain has been a good company recently
tranquilizing my mind then sending me to slumber
in the midst of dad's restlessness

a shadow of fear was implied through his babble
nobody would comprehend the content,
not even himself i presume

and now restlessness is not only his,
but also every single head's who lives under this roof
night means nothing but anxiety

the pouring rain jazzing down the night
cast the heat away, only for a while
covering the noise of progressive slammed doors
and banged stuffs
and knocked spoons
and more more 'hand-made' sounds...

as everyone saying a prayer
hoping this poor big guy will be calming down
i am here lying on my old bed
oh pouring rain,
clear this filthy brain
for it keeps asking, is this what i wished for?