choconyx

a cup of boiled coffee

2011-12-05T23:26:00.000-08:00

You know time will heal
But you ain’t patient enough
The moon has gone to sleep
The sun’s shown her mighty grin
But you refuse to open your eyes

The questions that are never answered
The heartache that’s never revealed
The fire that’s still burning
Inside, deep and dark
Like boiled coffee in a mug that remains closed
Noone dares to open it
Noone cares to have a sip

The pleasure of being hurt
You wish you were swallowed by the coldness
You know time will heal
But you ain’t patient enough

butterfly

2011-11-14T08:33:00.000-08:00

Beautiful butterfly
Oh she looks so shy
Never she realized that she got everyone’s eye

Oh marvelous butterfly
Used to fly so high
Until she landed here and fell in love

I hope she knows how blessed are
Other creatures when she’s nearby
And on this very special day
We’ll ask…

Butterfly, butterfly, in the sky
Butterfly, butterfly, flying high
The scent you spray
Graceful’s your way
One sweet day
There’ll come your better half…
This is what we pray…
On this very special day….
Our butterfly…

(on vanessa lloyd's 29th birthday)

with You

2011-10-23T10:06:00.000-07:00

For when I walk with You
I feel there’s nothing so blue
Be insanely true
Touch my days just like dew

You put that smile back on
This gloomy face

Place the stars in my eyes
All the fear you’ve replaced
With the words so calm….

Nowhere else I would run to
But You

stranger

2011-10-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

stranger
i hate you when you show
your mystifying face

bet you come
just to screw up
all things i've been striving for

oh stranger
if you ever
had a brain to consider
and a heart to ponder
then i'd just get o'er
with you!

typhonic

2011-09-28T09:37:00.000-07:00

(sigh...)
here i am stranded
not 'cos i'm blinded
by the misfortunes in my life

(sigh...)
can't i see clearly
foggy yet twisted
ready to escape but i'm stranded

here
i'm stuck in the well
grounded, inconsolable
finding your loved ones don't really love
one another anymore

this time it's not just a gloomy me
another role has to be played
and the game of life needs to be rolled

i know i should

2011-09-16T00:41:00.001-07:00

spitting my feelings out
i know i should
letting you know how much joy
you've brought into my life

it was safely kept
locked like i would never regret
should i shout it loud
and give it a shot,
then i might not be this drowned

some people say good bye with tears
some others lightly wave their hands
but the last thing you did
was sitting me down
listening i was there
to a song - charming as a poem

i could barely smile
all the memories started to tease
the tears streamed down this face
and i closed my eyes
here inside torn apart

to send my very blessing
being true though so blue
to be happy for you
i know.... i should

[wish not] a gift

2011-09-12T11:35:00.000-07:00

have you ever felt
that you have a gift
but you wish that it was not a gift
or at least not merely was
?

aku pulang

2011-09-10T10:41:00.000-07:00

malam itu begitu istimewa
umbul-umbul dan bendera berkibar lantang
bajaj berbaris rapi bak pagar bagus menyambut tamu
angin hangat berdesir ringan
bulan berpijar terang,
dan aku pun tersenyum lebar
seraya menghela napas panjang...
aku pulang.

kala sosok wanita kuat itu penat
coba kutahan diriku terjaga
menemani sang lelaki tua kesayangan
... setidaknya hanya itu yang bisa kubuat
sosok raja yang sekarang kembali muda
karena bebannya tak lagi terasa

kala malam lelah dan enggan sudah bercanda
beduk ditabuh dan segenap insan bersama
berkumandang menyorakkan panggilan ibadah
hentakannya menyalak, hingga jangan ada yang terlewat

duhai ibukota
duhai kampungku tercinta
kau tetap luar biasa!

the lost girl

2011-07-28T07:55:00.000-07:00

the lost girl: why am i here, Lord? what am i doing? i know i sort of asked You for this, but now I'm not so sure anymore. they're just being unfair and i'm struggling with my ego - trying to justify everything that has happened in my current life. should i endure the pain and believe that it'll toughen me up? should i give in and run to a land of nowhere? release me, oh God, for i can't torture myself this way. my heart is missing. my brain is fighting. but there's no way i'm going to give only a half part of me.

Him: no worries, kid. I got a plan. keep your chin up!

:)

m'am morie

2011-06-28T07:36:00.000-07:00

it all started by a glance
oh dear handset, how u can be meanie sometimes
the screen showed me the date
and i was suddenly disturbed

strong memory,
how do you consider yourself,
...a blessing or a curse?

daddy,
now i've learnt to understand
how hard it was for you
when all of a sudden your memory delivered you
to a place you were before...

so let me get this clear, m'am morie
where were you when we made all the efforts
just to recall you?
and you came back just to tease us,
just to torture these innocent souls

and everything becomes manic!

oh well...
am not telling you not to come again, m'am...
instead, remain strong and fit
but let me ask you a favor,
dress yourself up in a funny way next time

why not being monster? exhausting.
then suffered will both of us be.

....after four years....

2011-06-18T10:44:00.000-07:00

sometimes God gave you a dream to pursue
however, He didn't let you make it happen easily
years after years you waited...
hoping that that year would be the one, the right time
but life is many times ain't that easy

later you realized He keeps the fire burning
and yes, you just couldn't help thanking Him
sweet is the process, amazing is the journey
every second counts, every progress pumps you up
excitement oh excitement... i can feel you!

facebook effect

2011-06-09T01:58:00.000-07:00

you were worn out. stress from work, constantly unsolved problems at home, uncertain future, other things which burden you and cause fatigue - not sure where they appeared from. you lived your life normally but everything seemed like surreal.

then you signed your facebook in. randomly looked through the pictures of your old friends. some of them just got married, some others had just given birth to beautiful babies. those smiles of 'happy' people affected you. you pulled up your lips a bit and smiled. you read some funny comments on those pictures and there you found yourself giggling.

suddenly you inhaled different air. things became more real. slowly you felt there's no more membrane which separated yourself from the globe. this time everything is real. nothing has changed, but your mind has got clear :)

thanks to facebook, with all the contents which are not necessarily true, you got an inspiration to land back to the world.

The Empress of Byzantium

2011-04-19T04:24:00.000-07:00

Today I cry for you
Oh poor beautiful soul
With purely innocent heart
And a never-dimmed smile
No matter how badly people hurt you
But your love never fails

The blood which runs in your veins,
Runs in mine too
But not even a bit I’m wise like you
If you’re an angel, I’m sure it’s true
For you never let me stew

Oh poor beautiful soul
My heart breaks into pieces
When I ponder over your tears
Why do they take so much from you
While you never stop giving the best of you

And when you feel that you’ve no rights
Everything is not a pretty sight
There you sit still, never shift
Til u experience an enormous uplift
Being a sincere God’s gift

?

2011-01-31T08:29:00.000-08:00

one question a day. when it pops out, neglect it not. have a brainstorming session - with a partner if you're lucky enough to find one, or with your very own head if time and space limit your existence. that keeps us healthy. that helps us grow. even you fall asleep and still couldn't figure out the answer, but you're definitely on the way... and an on-the-way is always better than a never-start.

enjoy exploring the beauty of free mind!

Black OR White

2010-11-04T02:09:00.000-07:00

The walking clouds

And the flying black birds

which I saw this morning

Remind me to move on

No, baby, it’s not the right time

to complicate the life nor to mess it up

Except on zebra’s extravagant skin,

Black and white can’t live together

And I don’t wanna be a monster

Or just someone who I am not in the mirror

Black is extremely elegant,

White tremendously magnificent

But mixing both,

watching them blending into grey,

are just a beauty suicide

Even an MJ couldn’t have both

Thus he needed to choose, ‘Black OR White’

si angka lima

2010-11-02T23:35:00.001-07:00

dua hari yang lalu…

aku pusing mikirin bayar kos… duit di tabungan ga cukup… apa harus tuker bill euro yg ada di dompet? cuma 2 lembar… apa boleh buat :)

sehari yang lalu…

jam makan siang aku jalan ke bank… akirnya ikhlasin nukerin 50 euro, setor ke tabungan… tarik uang lagi dari atm, supaya bisa bayar uang kos :)

malamnya… aku serahkan uang kos ke tante kos… tapi tiba-tiba… ‘eh eh eh’, kata tante kos… ‘ini segini aja (seraya mengembalikan selembar HK$ 500), kan udah winter, jadi listriknya ga banyak’…. WOW!!! luar biasa baiknya om dan tante kos-ku… itung2, 50 euro-ku balik lg ke dompet :)

hari ini…

baidut ngabarin ttg rencana kita membantu teman… dan kita akan saweran IDR 500,000… kurang lebih sama dengan 50 euro! jadi pas bgt, emang si 50 euro udah diteken ama Yang Di Atas untuk disalurkan ke yang membutuhkan… skali lagi, RUARRR BIASAAA!!!! :)

50 euro = HK$ 500 = IDR 500,000…. yang pasti ini milikmu, bukan milikku… terima kasih untuk kesempatan merasakan kebaikan dan ajaibnya cara Tuhan bekerja :)

no baby, no cry...

2010-09-27T00:16:00.000-07:00

she cried... and cried... and cried...

exhausted or failed to adjust to the school environment,

i could not tell

she'd cried for hours

that she had no more tears left

some teachers tried to calm her down

held her in their laps

hugged her tight

sweet words came out of their mouths

anything they could do to make her stop crying

i'd finished my classes

and was kinda tired too

i could barely handle another crying sounds

but what can i say, i just can't ignore the painful voice

so i tried to hold this little soul

sang her a lullaby, but still she didn't stop

then i carried her to my desk

played a random video from youtube

a young girl on the piano, a surprise symphony from haydn was on

and slowly my girl stopped sobbing

as her eyes were focusing on the video

i kept running the clip for a few minutes

and later...

there she was - peacefully asleep

what a privilege i've got as a teacher

as i could witness this tiny human being rested in deep serenity

here, just here, tightly against me...

and whom i should thank to?

music, who else :)

seputar bus 95c

2010-08-31T06:05:00.000-07:00

(sambil mendengarkan 'lukisan pagi' oleh tohpati dan shakila)

pagi ini...

anak kecil itu naik bus lagi

masih dengan wajah lugunya

masih dengan gandengan tangan ibunya

kali ini mereka berdiri bersandar pada tiang

erat sang bunda memastikan kenyamanan ananda

masih teringat kemarin mereka bercanda

ibu mengelitiki si anak

si anak tertawa kegirangan

lalu akhirnya lelah dan bersandar pada lengan ibunya

sore ini...

sepasang kekasih berjalan berdampingan

usianya tak muda lagi, terurai dari rambut yg memutih

sang istri menyimpan sisa-sisa kecantikannya

sang suami dengan celana pendek dan kaus hampir tak berlengan,

pun topi pet menyiratkan hasrat muda yang belum pudar

tak bergandengan, namun berbincang ringan

tanpa beban, walau jalan mulai menanjak

kantong belanjaan di tangan,

turun dari bus dengan melenggang

langkahnya pasti, penuh harapan

oh betapa indah kehidupan... hanya 20 menit menumpang bus nomor 95c, namun sungguh kaya pemandangan yang dapat kurasa... tawa merdu yang kudengar... segala buat ku menghela napas panjang dan kembali bersyukur pada Yang Kuasa... terima kasih untuk tumpangan bus hari ini :)

inginku, pertiwi

2010-08-17T01:50:00.000-07:00

tujuh belas agustus dua ribu sepuluh

bukan bermaksud aku berkeluh,

namun hati ini malu penuh

bukannya mengunjungi sang saka

malah kupasang rok batik belaka

sajikan masakan ibunda tanda bersuka

apa yang telah kubuat untukmu, pertiwi?

tiada pun sekecil biji sesawi

kali ini kan kugunakan waktu hingga bawa arti

hingga suatu hari saat kukembali

kiranya ada buah yang bisa kau nikmati

selamat hari jadi, indonesia

merdekalah pikiran manusiamu

merdekalah jiwa yang masih merana

merdekalah hati terharu-biru

berkibarlah senantiasa di segala pulau

dan kian harumlah namamu selalu

monthlyversary (a note to fibrina bian rhapsodia)

2010-07-29T20:38:00.000-07:00

a month has passed

and i still have no idea what to write, bai :)

partly because my soul (might be) struggling inside

or i am just turning into some ignorant head

the very first day i arrived,

i promised myself that i wouldn’t follow these people’s manic pace

i decided to maintain my laid-back life,

never ever let myself contaminated by this craziness

then i got lost hundred times

feeling exhausted every time i arrived home

dizziness crept over my head whenever i found the crowds

and i felt eerie watching how people were changed

well, i don’t know how they looked like before,

but for sure they now look unnatural -

the makeover seems to be their biggest failure

the city brings an impression that everything is easy to get

everyone wears the brands, just as casually as

they don’t mind if the rain pours and wets their branded stuffs :)

but inside, i am wondering if they are ‘wealthy’ enough to feel things,

to appreciate what the nature has provided,

to sense that a cry is sometimes needed to heal the soul

so this very second i thank you, my pure-hearted sister

for reminding me to post something here

you won’t believe that i just realized

how writing could help me to survive -

just when this last sentence was typed :)

hong kong, end of july 2010

some 'westerners' i recently met

2010-07-01T07:28:00.000-07:00

guy no.1:

he was born in australia, raised in an indonesian family

a second year commerce student, but constantly reading and learning about philosophy

quiet, observant, and inside was all but his own way of thinking

actively participating at church, but has his own perspective of 'belief'

guy no.2:

he is completely aware that he's under the condition called 'slavery'

but he knows what he wants in the future

he's determined that he'll be leaving the country in certain period of time

and he is confident of what he is going to do next

believing in nature, despite the pollution he's surrounded by

prefers to live in a remote island, gets acquainted with the forest and beach and frogs and mosquitos

there are many things i learnt from both.

1. how to classify things in your life: money, passion, interest, love, everything - it's all perfectly well organized. every sacrificed thing worth it.

2. keep your life simply natural. be simple. be humble. machinery won't keep you alive. nature will.

3. ... will figure out how to express them by words :)

sunday morning, smile is rolling

2010-04-17T20:37:00.001-07:00

meet pak sugeng :)

this picture was taken a few months ago by a friend of mine’s blackberry. we were having breakfast at one of our fave spots - bubur tanjung, menteng. pak sugeng played a javanese sitar while humbly singing a love song (at least that’s what i can capture from some familiar javanese words). back then, i was so eager to take his pic, but too shy to approach him personally.

today, after a month of absence, i had my fave chicken porridge back. and this time i got a sweet chance to meet pak sugeng again. as he drew himself closer, i smiled and nodded my head. and there, he started his playing on the pentatonic melody. wish to digest the song and enjoy it more profoundly, i decreased my eating tempo.

after finishing a gentle song, i thanked him as handing a few pieces of paper to him. then we began to converse. asking him some questions about his sitar, he offered me to buy it. he is about to go home, paying for his kid’s examination fee, thus buying his sitar would be helpful. i was really tempted, but again i didn’t bring enough money (although he said i could pay a down payment and complete it when he’s back in jakarta) and i don’t want to take advantage of his kind offer (at first he didn’t set the price, he let me pay voluntarily as much as i could afford, but i insisted him to let me know the basic price because i had no idea how much it costs). finally he gave me his business card so i could contact him anytime needed.

sunday morning, smile is rolling. the sky seems even bluer than any other days. maybe it’s only an effect of a very special encounter with a simple guy, which i believe has a genuine heart. or maybe jakarta’s sky is really brighter today.

today i was so me!

2010-04-16T07:45:00.001-07:00

these are what i wore today:

my mom's old cotton shirt which i just found yesterday when she was cleaning up her closet. 'totally washed out', mom complaint. yet i kept tucking it off the pile. we don't share the definition of 'comfort' - dealt with it.

an old pair of stretch baggy pants which never failed to accompany me on kathak dance class. it was a souvenir i bought for myself on a training in bangkok a few years ago. patpong market and its vibrant night life... oh and i clearly remember the price of these pants - 100 bath only! :)

a black belt which is originally attached to a raincoat i barely wore (well, i wore it once and my colleague said it's only suitable for places like new york. but hey no, i never regret buying it. i fell in love with it, and i am still now whenever i try to put it on and walk in it...... at home.)

recently-bought red suede shoes which happened to be my fave stuff. earlier, they hurt my feet. thanks to band-aids we have mended our relationship.

a wooden bracelet with colorful batik prints on it. i got it on last vacation in jogja. enjoying the colors and patterns, i feel like coming back to my root.

i ~~love~~ can feel everything i wore today. and this feeling is unbeatable, even when a friend noticed that it was not quite appropriate to dress this way at (our) school. it's way too comfortable that i am not afraid of anything else. come to think of it, i believe i've just understood what confidence means.

blanket

2010-04-10T09:58:00.000-07:00

oh blanket, please come to me
i wanna hug you and talk through my tears
here i have been lost in the sea of desire
when everything in this world is beyond my understanding
and all i can do is holding you tight until the time is right
surrounded by your warmth, let me catch my breath,

i'll try to surrender

word

2010-03-15T12:14:00.000-07:00

words can help us to be strong
yes, dear... you must know it
but it's 2.14am and i'm just out of words
and even after i have tried to heat up my head,
my brain is still frozen. shut down.

so tomorrow when you're awake in the morning,
and you can relax coz you don't have to work early,
maybe you can try to find that word

because we both know that it IS there
it still EXISTS
it's only lost somewhere,
or missing between the pile of routines

don't you ever start to worry,
please oh my dear you will never be sorry
we are the fighters,
and this is only a part of our journey
'trial and error', as you said
it's nothing but the core of learning

so good night, allow me to say
as tomorrow we have to find the way
searching back our heart
and continue the unfinished art

blackberry

2010-03-09T02:37:00.000-08:00

everybody in the city seems to have a blackberry,
but not joining them I don’t feel sorry

young and old, all captivated by facebook
well I have one, but not that on the hook

walking down the mall the girls with the giggles
but I wanna sit here on your nose, crunching pringles
staring up, let me explore your dazzling eyes
and looking down, I will relish your charming smile

and if the world were all electronic appliances
can I just be with you enjoying the dances?

anything rhymes

2010-03-02T07:04:00.000-08:00

restless
and helpless

yuck
they suck

this obsession
conceals my confession

then it's not music
'coz it makes me sick

yoga

2010-02-12T05:59:00.000-08:00

inhale,
hold it for a moment,
and exhale

sweat all over your body
at the same time you start to feel the pain
but when you do it rightly,
you're gonna perceive this sensation
of relaxation and tranquility and fitness
well-articulated in a term: 'muscular orgasm'

you experienced something in your life,
let it stay for a while, either joy or sorrow,
and let go
(remember, let go!)

legawa seperti mega

2010-02-10T05:10:00.000-08:00

di suatu hari di sekolah dasar,
diadakanlah latihan evakuasi
sirine dibunyikan tiba-tiba,
dan anak-anak beserta gurunya berbondong-bondong
dari lantai 2 dan 3, turun melalui tangga

lalu mereka berkumpul di lapangan
berpanas-panasan di bawah terik matahari
setelah itu aku pun naik lagi ke ruanganku

di lantai 2 itu, kulihat mbak mega - OB (atau OG) sekolah
sedang asyik mengepel lantai

segera kutegur,
kupertanyakan mengapa ia tak ikut turun
dengan sumringah ia menjawab,
'jodo, rejeki, nyawa ada di tangan Tuhan!'

dan aku pun tertawa spontan,
lega mendengar pesan sponsor di siang bolong
dari sosok luar biasa, si mbak mega :)

tatooed title

2010-02-08T09:06:00.000-08:00

people may think i know what i wanna do
or have found what i've searched for
but how is that possible,
when i don't even have the guts to start
because all i know is rocky roads await my steps
and i am standing all alone without troops ready to shoot

but maybe dreams need to be carved
at the very beginning
or tatooed on arm, proclaimed by oneself
and when the desired title is repeatedly said over and over,
the magic spell will reveal its charm
then i will face up, get off my ass,
and there - i embarked on my real journey!
no matter how thorny, or how long it will take,
the spirit is burnt, and the title is no longer a compound of words
it's real. it's me.

daftar kebaikan di hari ini

2010-02-04T03:37:00.000-08:00

berangkat agak telat, tapi ternyata tiba sebelum waktunya
terpikir bahwa akan terbebani dengan tugas hari ini,
namun ternyata bebas karena ada acara istimewa

anak kecil jatuh, lengannya tergores, dicucinya,
lalu terasa perih dan menangislah ia tersedu-sedu...
dan luluhlah hatiku ingin langsung memeluknya

teman merayakan hari ulang tahun pernikahan
dan suaminya mengirim kue
dan terlihatlah haru di matanya
dan ikut gembiralah hatiku

lalu anak-anak kecil menyanyikan 'happy anni-versary!'
(dalam nada 'happy birthday to you') sebagai kejutan manis

menyaksikan kebanggaan orang tua
yang melihat prestasi anak-anaknya
membuat lava hijau dalam percobaan

pulang dengan terkantuk-kantuk
namun masih bisa beristirahat di dalam mobil
dengan pendingin udara,
tanpa lelah menginjak kopling karena macet!

duduk kepanasan di pinggir jalan,
namun di depan mata tiba-tiba lewat seorang ayah
dengan kaki di-gips yang dibalut kantong plastik,
mengendarai motor demi mengantarkan anaknya les musik

... daftar belum selesai... karena besok akan kulanjutkan lagi! :)

*terinspirasi oleh mbabinal dan masuwil, on their sweet 4th wedding anniversary... cihuy!!! hihihi

pouring rain

2010-01-27T07:18:00.000-08:00

the pouring rain has been a good company recently
tranquilizing my mind then sending me to slumber
in the midst of dad's restlessness

a shadow of fear was implied through his babble
nobody would comprehend the content,
not even himself i presume

and now restlessness is not only his,
but also every single head's who lives under this roof
night means nothing but anxiety

the pouring rain jazzing down the night
cast the heat away, only for a while
covering the noise of progressive slammed doors
and banged stuffs
and knocked spoons
and more more 'hand-made' sounds...

as everyone saying a prayer
hoping this poor big guy will be calming down
i am here lying on my old bed
oh pouring rain,
clear this filthy brain
for it keeps asking, is this what i wished for?

scream

2009-11-21T07:24:00.000-08:00

A lady on her thirties, strolling down the hall with anxiety.
She could've done better than that, she knows.
But how could she think clearly if a pair of kids kept on acting wild,
showing off their extraordinary gift to capture one's attention?

The lady felt betrayed.
She had no options but fight for her right,
although in a second her conscious mind questioned,
'Whom does the right belong to?'

Light travels faster than sound, so as rage than logic.
She screamed. Yes, she did.
The so-called 'little devils' won. They earned the scream.
Everyone was shocked.
But noone knew there's someone among them who was even more horrified.

pathetic

2009-10-22T09:39:00.000-07:00

she used to have insomnia
for she lost her love
and she was afraid that her love would show up
show up in one of her dreams

until last night...
her love really appeared in her dream!

she is now having another insomnia
for she is shaking... terrified...
that tonite the love wouldn't visit her again
even only in one of meaningless dreams...

which one is more pathetic?

laziness

2009-10-20T08:51:00.000-07:00

having almost forgotten that i've made a promise, i finally dragged myself to access this website. what can i say, he has approached me smoothly - too smoothly that many times i didn't realize that it was him! and to make it worse, he's one of a few who knows me so well. thus i don't need to be somebody else just to befriend him. well oh well, i got so many excuses to easily fall in love with this dandy guy.

this intimacy to him resulted a huge impact in my life. it is simply because he is related to an extremely wide network. one of his good fellows, for instance, is unhealthiness. they get along way too well and being close with one means you're automatically tied up with both of them.

hey really, i've enjoyed this relationship so far, dude. but life is tough, it's a matter of making a right decision. obviously, though really alluring, you're not opted. don't even bother to kiss good bye. never expect me to drop by and say hi.

...........at least until i get healthy.

'Love Affair'

2009-09-20T09:54:00.000-07:00

I was hopping from a channel to another, without any intention to watch any particular program. Then i left the living room. Another minute when I got back, I sat on the couch and followed the channel my sister had picked. Old movie, I figured out. I like the girl on the movie, her perfect arms and the way she dressed. The setting was in a house, surrounded by valleys. I was starting to enjoy the plot, when suddenly the old lady in the movie played a piano piece... a piece which is very familiar to my ears... it's Love Affair! I cried! ... and continued to awww and ohhhhh here and there :)

For so long have I been longing to watch this movie. I've searched the DVD copy like everywhere (well, I recognized I could find it on amazon.com, but still, I was too stingy to purchase it online and pay for the expensive delivery fee) but found it nowhere. And then... unexpectedly... i got a chance to watch it, although it was not complete from the beginning, but I believe I've captured the best part of it :)

It was so touching that I could stop the tears running down my face at the end of the scene. When I was craving for sushi, for instance, I could run into a sushi place and grab as much as I want. But sometimes things are not granted instantly. It takes a while, even too long that we have forgotten that we ever wish for it. This time i'm not playing cool, saying out loud 'Oh who needs that old movie, anyway?'. Instead, I totally forgot that I wanted to watch this movie badly. I just moved on, trying to be thankful to what life has given to me. But life is fair. And I was given a chance to see the charming Love Affair :)

mulut gatal

2009-08-13T07:39:00.000-07:00

badanku panas dingin
segan makan namun takut masuk angin
aku cuma mau ngobrol
begitu pingin hingga tak kuasa dikontrol

tanpa kau memuja-muji
aku pun t'lah terlepas dari jeruji
kalau boleh malam jalan dulu kelar
belum puas aku di sini berkelakar

denganmu aku bak penyelam
sabar dan detil ku belajar menyulam
cinta dari dasar pun terurai
segala elok terlihat dari ngarai

seniman pirang dari negri seberang
izinkan aku duduk sebentar tuk berbincang
aku haus berselayang pandang
aku rindu kembali riang

let's get atonal!

2009-08-02T07:30:00.000-07:00

atonal itu mirip diagonal
diagonal itu sama kayak miring
dan miring itu adalah gila
jadi atonal sama dengan gila?

it allows me to get insane for a while
and fly to an outer space i've never been before
it's like a miraculous journey to shoobeedooppaappaaa-land
the further i am enthralled by it, the dizzier my head spins
and there i would take my shoes off and dance
i don't need a key to obey
in fact, why should i if i have thousands colors to mix?
all i need is a freely-ranged pause here and there,
so i can take my time to breathe, feel the sensation, and smile
....
more...
.........
....mooore..
..............
..........
and more......

... until all the tunes blend together...
... and there, i'm wasted. i'm light.

cause and effect

2009-06-29T08:06:00.000-07:00

do you have infrasonic ears?
because that's the only tool to listen what i'm saying
because i have no faith that you own such ultrasensitive heart
because i failed to trust you even since the very beginning
not because it happened too sudden,
but simply because i was not brave enough to believe in myself
and why did i become such a coward?
don't ask.

now that everything's too late to listen,
or even too late to say,
i just wanna complicate
perfect.

too fast

2009-06-17T05:56:00.000-07:00

it's too fast. way too fast..
just met them a couple of weeks ago
it's always a thrill to be around new people, especially those who'll share similar path of life
super fresh graduate
rockstar used-to-be
restaurant owner plan-to-be
what-so-called executive
sports genius
physician
financial consultant
movie talent
musicians at heart
and many more professions that i could list down just to assure you that they're all worth mentioning
presenting original characters which can make you wanna stay with them although you're suffering from a terrible monthly stomachache
separatedly will we sail our new boats, from the very beginning of the beach
and as always, anything goes with the beach is painfully sweet
yet here we are, enjoying the sunset which is soon swallowed by the darkness

it's too fast. way way too fast.
i still wanna be here.
laying on the long bench, reading stuffs i'm badly curious about
playing beach volleyball though i don't even have the skill to pass the ball
singing out good old songs accompanied with a humble guitar and domestic hand-made percussions
dancing and shaking my flat ass, as if il were swung by the wind
laughing out hard that i almost forgot you're still chasing us

as i'm strolling down the white sandy beach
listening to the sacred waves for the last time
for a minute i gaze at the conceited boats
then close my eyes as whispering it to you,
it's too fast.... way too fast.

tipsy cupid

2009-05-25T05:29:00.000-07:00

may is nearly over
and the waiting seems forever

as a trade, i vowed myself to this brat
what can i say, the answer's still 'not yet'

dress up like a señorita
with one hand raising margarita
as my tiny mouth cheering 'salud!'
merrily i'm facing womanhood!

though doubts many times slipped in
i'd just know when i got the feelin'

cupid is many times reckless
shooting arrow at the same time being senseless

as i beg and beg, blank eyes staring at the tarot
oh tipsy cupid, when will you give me a shot...

a drop of water

2009-04-15T07:36:00.000-07:00

a drop of water on a flower petal
ready to fall, completely surrender
wherever it may go, the nature would widely open its arms
landing on the ground,
blown by the wind,
flown into the river,
any place would be a kingdom

the day when the drop of water gave in,
was the most special day... ever.

uncle

2009-03-12T19:09:00.000-07:00

have missed you already
though many times i wasn't a lady
acting silly like a kiddy
but still, you are always my second daddy

now that i'm tearful
mournful is my heart 'til skull
our days are nothing but dreadful
gone by like a body without soul

hopeless we are here, uncle
you were the one who stood up there
a rock when strength was rare
perfect shelter who's ready to take care

open your eyes and grab our hand
play again the music, back to the band
hold the hope though small as sand
our love, our prayer, never end

tukang sapu

2009-02-25T06:21:00.000-08:00

tukang sapu
temanku bilang, sehari cuma delapan ribu
maka ia pun termangu
penuh harap dapat membantu

tukang sapu
adakah dirimu pilu
memikirkan istri anakmu
jangankan sekolah, makan saja tak tentu

tukang sapu
kiranya kabar baik bagimu
temanku insinyur baru
hatinya lembut, jiwanya syahdu

tukang sapu
nasehat ibu, berbuat baik janganlah ragu
maka sehari pun temanku tak menunggu
karena gatot kaca pun tak kan begitu

kota kembang

2009-02-24T07:27:00.000-08:00

siang hari di bale-bale rumah busana
rintik hujan menetes malas
sangsi tuk sudahi, namun enggan menderas

duduk anggun sang nonik
dengan tarikan nafas teratur
matanya dan alam bertegur
menatap batu kali terkikis tak kunjung hancur

orang-orang lalu lalang
ia tak peduli, tak mau berpikir panjang
nikmat harum hujan terlalu jarang
tuk dilewatkan amatlah sayang

patung kodok gendong-gendongan
dinaungi hiasan lonceng berderetan
kota kembang, aku kembali lagi
mencari kesejukan di antara sunyi

saturday nite

2009-02-21T08:45:00.000-08:00

it's almost twelve
will go to bed, i promised the elf

so i turn off the light,
pull my blanket,
then perfect position is set

first yawn, my heart beats fast
my eyes getting watery, but the lungs pump crazy drums

No! No! Not now! Stay awake!
Protested the blood in my vein
It's not late, it's only twilight!
Tell me you are young, or you just got insane
when you propose excuses from a super saturday nite!

mélancolie

2009-02-20T05:33:00.000-08:00

everything still lingers
the annoying way you present your irresistible smile,
how cuddly you look that anyone wouldn't help to kiss,
and i would burst into tears upon your apologies,

this time i only wish i could swim into the past
and if this is not right, i beg for forgiveness
tormented would i be,
when the pictures could be recalled clearly,
but impossible any could be brought back into reality

or i'll just embrace everything here inside
learn never to take anything for granted
and i hope everyone would agree,
when i entitle this moment 'mélancolie'

a soccer player

2009-02-05T05:28:00.000-08:00

if I were you, I would be a soccer player
for nothing in the world would thrill your soul that way
for nothing up in the sky would paint such grin on your face
for nothing from heaven could tell you how sweet a life can be
it's your ball, it's your hall
it’s a gift, and it’s only yours.

a story from pomidory

2009-01-28T02:22:00.000-08:00

if it wasn't from pomidory,
heaven knows I would be sorry
for encountering you is like discovering a gem,
miraculously it just flows like a tram
innocence was i could hardly portray,
but it is now crystal clear, it has got my heart sway

i'm longing for another stories from pomidory,
as we walk home, without feeling weary

snow

2009-01-05T13:44:00.000-08:00

like falling rain
but it likely turns me drain

like a crystal
if i started to be sentimental

then i'll just wait, nothing vulgar
and wish everything would be sweet as sugar

mama

2008-12-21T12:24:00.000-08:00

there was a time when i was showering and you helped me washing hair

i hummed that song, over and over, enjoying your massaging my head

or when i was in the bed, preparing for a sweet dream

you were on my side, whispering the song as tapping my butt

... and i was in heavenly serenity

i made you mad, then i drove you sad

yet your heart never failed to forgive

today, i will sing that song again

recollecting pieces of a daughter's life

celebrating the magnificence of a mother's love

"kasih ibu kepada beta... tak terhingga sepanjang masa...

hanya memberi, tak harap kembali... bagai sang surya menyinari dunia..."

ps. happy mother's day!

adieuphobia

2008-12-21T11:09:00.000-08:00

she always hates goodbyes

tears would hardly stop flowing from her eyes

if only she could have a request,

would heaven let the time say 'yes'?

it was a cold winter in a small town

smiling faces with sometimes a frown

she knows, they won't feel down

for they used to be the only son

is it better to be alone?

when maliciousness will no longer sit on the throne

and the kitchen will be safe from explosion

there the answer persists, still like a stone

malaikat bertanduk dua

2008-12-20T14:12:00.000-08:00

aku jatuh cinta...

pada matamu yang biru dan bersinar

pada tawamu yang lepas tak bersalah

pada wajahmu yang selalu anugerahkan syukur

tak tampak sesal, tak tampak kesal

hingga aku yang lebih kuat menjadi tak berdaya

lemas, memandangmu penuh kemenangan

menang bukan karena kau sempurna

namun menang karena dirimu tak gentar

hatiku tersayat

menyaksikan sosok ilahi lekat di jiwamu murni

tolong aku, ajari aku

karena aku ingin secuil citramu

terseok-seok namun tak keok

menghentak-hentak namun tak retak

biar esok aku bangun sambil tersenyum

memimpikan senyummu dalam jubah malaikat

malaikat kecil bertanduk dua

berhati baja, beruntun asa